Proclamation

I am my mother's daughter, there's no stopping me from doing what I want and achieving what I want in my life. Sorry mamí, the apple doesn't fall far from the tree. I am independent, fierce, and an intelligent grown woman. Whether or not you admit it or see it, makes no difference to me, because I refuse to be emotionally manipulated. I don't need your validation or your approval, although it would be nice, but I know that I'll never get it. And its perfectly okay, because the only one that needs to validate and approve me is, well, me. So this is my proclamation to myself that things will be different and its going to be all about me. No longer is caring about myself going to be selfish. I need to care about me, because I need to love myself and respect myself in order to get through life. So no more running away from my problems and issues. I gotta face them and work through them. How do I expect to be someone's mamí (one day in the distant future of course!) if I can't work through my own crap!? This is me being real with myself.  Life has not always been kind to me, but I can learn from it and take the good from the bad, no matter how painful it may be. My hope is that one day I can give back to others in whatever way, shape or form possible.

I must remember that I am amazing, gorgeous, intelligent, well read, indispensable, strong, capable, fierce, and most importantly that I am me no matter what changes I make. that's the beauty in life: change happens and its always on going. Its a continuous cycle. Must learn to embrace change and all that it brings.

Fill in the Blank Friday #16

 

 

1.   New Years is     often a night of uncertainty. I've never been into the whole party/celebration aspect of it so I always sort of just dread the day/night   .

2.   One of my New Year's resolutions will be   to not wait for one particular day to make resolutions, but rather continuously evaluate where I am and where I want to be; so that I can make the necessary changes for the better     .

3.  A New Year's resolution I've made in the past was to   idk? I always forget them   .

4. The most time consuming resolution I ever made was    to not repeat a sweater for a whole month. I have enough sweaters, but coming up with different combinations was tough    .

5.  This year I will be spending New Year's Eve   at a good friend's house with good company or I may just be spontaneous and head over to a NYE party I was invited to attend. No alcohol for me though, its been a tough month and I will not let it consume me into the point of no return (read: blackout)  .

6.  If I could wish one thing for my new year it would be   to continue on my journey of 'becoming' and resolving all my internal conflicts/anxieties/problems. I just really want to learn to be happy on my own, make new friends, learn to be a better person with the ultimate goal of preparing myself for the next few years down the line .

7.  2012 is going to be    filled with challenges, hurts, love, excitement, happiness, joy, hard work, good music/company/food, more coffee, and another heck of a year in the life of Christina  .

via KSNY

When I get into my world of reading this is how I feel like. Everything comes together. It all makes sense. Its just me and my book; no one else can come in. I feel as though nothing can make me unhappy for that instant. Reading has been my escape since I can remember. Now more than ever I understand why I've always read so much. The simple reason: to escape that which makes me unhappy. To escape my family life. To escape that which brings me down. So next time when you question why I read voraciously, remember that it means the world to me. It makes me happy. I'm elated after reading a good book. I may have my Supergirl tendencies when I read, but I want to make sure I remember the best bits and pieces of the books I've read. I don't want to lose that which has become a part of me.

I'm feeling a bit under the weather and just a bit bah humbug with the holiday season. So for now I'm taking a break from blogging. Not really in the mood to blog much right now. I hope to be back in full swing at the start of the new year. I have a week to get myself together or at least attempt to. But for now I'm off to buy myself a sketch pad, some water colors, and a waterproof pen. Oh and a new book lamp and desk tray.

Words of Wisdom #16

“I still love books. Nothing a computer can do can compare to a book. You can’t really put a book on the Internet. Three companies have offered to put books by me on the Net, and I said, ‘If you can make something that has a nice jacket, nice paper with that nice smell, then we’ll talk.’ All the computer can give you is a manuscript. People don’t want to read manuscripts. They want to read books. Books smell good. They look good. You can press it to your bosom. You can carry it in your pocket.”  – Ray Bradburyw

Music Monday #16

Saturday night I got to see them live again! This must be like the thousandth time I see them live, well no more like probably closer to a dozen times. One of my favorite songs. I feel like this is my anthem. I even quoted this song for my senior quote.

Happy Monday y'all!

Post Secret #18

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Happy 60th!

Yes, yesterday was my mom's 60th birthday! And I'm just getting around to posting about it! Happy birthday to my mami. We don't always agree on life, but thank you for being the best mami you knew how to be to me. Actually know how to be.

I love this picture mostly because the Romans said in their Italian accent: "Una foto con la mama!"

Fill in the Blank Friday #15

 

 

1.   My most favorite "little thing" is     enjoying a latte or mocha while reading a good book   .

2.   I give anything to   have a black cat mocha      .

3.  I can't believe    that this year is practically over! Time sure does fly by!    .

4. The one thing I'd like to achieve today is    finish The Awakening so I can start on my last book of my challenge for this year    .

5.  The last thing I want to do today is    go to work  .

6.  If I were writing my own blank today, it would say:   Never have I ever....   .

7.  My favorite candle scent is    anything that smells good. Not really picky.  .

Words of Wisdom #15

"You have to find something that you love enough to be able to take risks, jump over the hurdles and break through the brick walls that are always going to be placed in front of you. If you don't have that kind of feeling for what it is you are doing, you'll stop at the first giant hurdle."

- George Lucas

Music Monday #15

Because you can't start your week without listening to some Black Keys! :)

Post Secret #17

via Post Secret

I often feel this way. They say you live and learn. I'm able to forgive others for the most part, but I find it so hard to forgive myself. And I know its what contributes the most to my anxiety problems; I don't know how to fix it.

Continuity

Last weekend my aunt passed away after a battle with diabetes and other ailments. She was my mother's big sister and we all loved her dearly. I can't bear to think about how different things will be when I go back on my breaks. The house will be minus one person. No more hand made tortillas. No more her yelling at us to leave her donkey alone. No more anything. Mami says its all just a part of life and how the saying goes in Spanish: "La vida es prestada." Roughly translates to 'life is borrowed.' I had a tough time last weekend dealing with her death. Thankfully I have a good friend who has also lost a few loved ones and was able to help me cope with my grief. The one thing I did come away with everything is continuity. Continuity to keep living my life, but not to forget. To merely continue on, but always keep her in my thoughts, remember her for who she was. So this is a post dedicated/remembering her. These are some of the last pictures I took of her when I was last in Mexico for the holidays in 2008. I never would have thought this would be the last time I would get to hug her and receive her affection. Another lesson this has taught me is to cherish those that I love and let them know how much I love them and care for them.

From left to right: Tio Miguel, Tia Lola, Mami, & cousins

Tia Lola & Mami

Tia Lola & I

One of my favorite family pictures. My grandparents with my Tia Lola, Tio Miguel & Mami

RIP Dolres Gomez Virgen (Yes, that's right one of our family surnames means 'Virgin' pretty cool huh?)

Fill in the Blank Friday #14

 

 

1.   Love is     butterflies in your tummy, getting distracted by their kisses, their smell is intoxicating, compassion, laughter, happy times, sharing intimate movies, being completely comfortable around that person   .

2.   Being in love feels like   the whole world is zooming by you and its okay, because you are with the one you love      .

3.  My favorite quote about love is   

"An intimate relationship does not banish loneliness. Only when we are comfortable with who we are can we truly function independently in a healthy way, can we truly function within a relationship. Two halves do not make a whole when it comes to a healthy relationship: it takes two wholes."

- Patricia Fry    .

4. The most important thing in a relationship is    trust and communication    .

5.  A "deal breaker" for me in a relationship is    someone unwilling to put in effort  .

6.  The way I show love in my relationships is    cooking dinner, complimenting them, buying them little things that make me think of them, sending random text message throughout the day, letting them know how I love them constantly .

7.  I love    my BFF :)  .

Old Faithful

Dear Grey Le Pliage:

I love you! Words cannot come close to describing the affection and love I feel towards you. Grey Le Pliage you were there for me through the good times and the bad times. You've seen the best of the US, Spain, and Europe. You've protected my wallet, books, notebooks, Frida, and an assortment of other things. I will miss you dearly. You have been one of the best gifts I've ever received in years! You fought a good fight, it lasted almost 5 rounds which equivalent to 5 human years! You were your battle scars proudly. Don't worry your fraternal sister Beige Le Pliage will take good care of me. She's been waiting her turn since I found her in Paris. Remember you will always be my first and a great first at that!~ You kept everything dry when we got caught in the torrential downpour in Salamanca. Do you remember that afternoon? Because I do; that's when I realized that you loyal to me and you would never betray me. Now the only thing that has betrayed me is your old age, but even then it was bound to happen.

So this is to you Grey Le Pliage....to the bag that could. To the bag that never let anything get wet. To the bag that made me look great! To the bag that got me through Europe and back. Te quiero! Never forget that! And remember, Beige Le Pliage can never replace you, all she's doing is filling that void that you have left me with.

Love,
C.

Both of us in Geneva, Switzerland

Freezing our tooshies off in London

Good times with my sisters in Alexanria, VA

Exhausted on the NYC subway.

RIP Grey Le Pliage.
You will be missed dearly....

Words of Wisdom #14

"Stand often in the company of dreamers: they tickle your common sense and believe you can achieve things which are impossible."

- Mary Anne Radmacher

Music Monday #14

He may be prick, a complete douche, but this man is a genius. Listen to what he has to say.

NorCal

Over Thanksgiving weekend, I was fortunate to take a lovely road trip up to the beautiful coastal town of Santa Cruz with my family. The first day out it started out a bit rough, nasty weather conditions through the mountains made all of us tense and nervous, poor Benjamin threw up thrice on the drive up, and we took the scenic route (more like, momentarily lost). Once we arrived at Santa Cruz things got better. After a short nap, we all got ready and headed down to downtown, ate some delicious Pizza My Heart and got shirts. Walked around for a bit, saw a few bookstores, stores, and boutiques. Then we drove on over to the boardwalk and had a great time. We taught Benjamin how to play air hockey and we all ran around like little kids attempting to get as many tickets for Benjamin. Thanks to a great guy who gave him 185 tickets he had well over 300 tickets!!! He got a nifty double sided light saber, bouncy ball, stickers, and an airplane.

We spent Saturday in San Francisco and the weather was amazing! I was expecting (and prepared) for freezing temperatures and with winds, but we were pleasantly surprised. It wasn't as windy or cold for that fact. We strolled down Fisherman's Wharf, Ghirardelli Square, Haight & Ashbury, Market St, and got stuck in downtown traffic.

Sunday was a whirlwind day, since we had to get ready and leave for our long drive back home. However, this drive as long as it took us (read over 8 hours!!!) was well worth it. We took Route 1 or more commonly known as PCH from Santa Cruz to San Luis Obispo. From San Luis Obispo we hopped back onto Highway 101. I had never driven down PCH through Los Padres National Forest, but it was absolutely breath taking! The views are jaw dropping and make you queasy in the stomach if you see how far down the ocean is below you.

It was a great weekend getaway. I got to spend quality time with my family and saw lots of neat things. I definitely love NorCal, as much as I do talk smack about it, I love it nonetheless. I would honestly even love to live in NorCal at some point in my life.

Los Padres National Forest

San Simeon Elephant Seals

Ben & Momma looking at the elephant seals

View of the Bay from Ghriradelli Square

Hwy 152 to Santa Cruz

Downtown Santa Cruz

Post Secret #16

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Fill in the Blank Friday #13

1.   The holiday season is     the best time of the year. Spending time with my family and friends. Appreciating even more all of the blessings I have in my life  .

2.   Snow makes me   happy, giddy, excited, and bubbly      .

3.  The best comfort food to eat when it's cold out is    tomato basil soup and grilled cheese    .

4. Winter is the best time for    reading in bed under the blankets with a nice big cup of coffee   .

5.  I can hardly wait for    my little sister to come home for winter break .

6.  When it comes to holiday gifts I prefer to    choose each gift carefully with intent and meaningfulness .

7.  If I were to rate my excitement about the holiday season on a scale from 1-10, I would say I am at about a    4. My family is going through a rough time with an aunt in the hospital. Not exactly in the mood to be all Christmas   .

I'm a dreamer

I own far too many dreams/aspirations for my own good. It often causes chaos and impairs my decision making process. For now, I choose the Bay Area, yet tomorrow it might be NYC again or rather anywhere but here.

For those who are my friends, they understand this process that is me. It's a headache and a constant annoyance, but I've come to the conclusion that I need to pick one place and just go with it. We'll see where the wind carries me. 

Words of Wisdom #13

"An intimate relationship does not banish loneliness. Only when we are comfortable with who we are can we truly function independently in a healthy way, can we truly function within a relationship. Two halves do not make a whole when it comes to a healthy relationship: it takes two wholes."

- Patricia Fry

Music Monday #13

Post Secret #15

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I too backpacked throughout Europe solo during my year abroad. It was the most freeing thing I could have ever done. Backpacking showed me how I'm not alone and really surrounded by loving people that care for me, even if they weren't with me in person. After I got back I struggled a lot with this feeling of being alone and uncared for. Until recently I still felt this way, but its getting better. I'm realizing how I'm not alone, but life gets in the way of communicating sometimes. I refuse to let this feeling get to me. I will not let it plague and consume my thoughts. I am not alone as I believe to be.

Thankful Thursday

Thanksgiving is among us and y'all know what that means! The start of the holiday season. This year I'm opting for giving books instead of clothing or other random items, and for a select few practical items. But I'm getting off topic here. Here are a few things I am thankful for this year:

My family. Despite our ups and downs I love them to death. They all bring a smile to my face. My sisters are the best! My brothers are quirky and dorky, as brothers should be. My nephew cracks me up every time I see him. He also teaches me a lot about myself and others. My parents will be my parents, and I am grateful for how they raised me. Turns out I'm not that half bad.

My girls. We may all be separated by time zones, states, even continents, but somehow we still manage to support each other via text, email, phone calls, FB, etc. Thank you for helping me get through a rough patch or two. :)

My BFF. We have been through thick and thin. There has been times when I've had very close feelings to hate towards this person, but he is my better half. We may not be together now, but he has helped me through a lot. And for this I'm thankful. He has truly been a blessing in my life.

New friends, old acquaintances. Its amazing what they can do for you. Thank you for the late nights, chats, food runs, movie nights, shows, and helping me laugh at myself or at you at some point or another. :)

My life. I may moan, complain, and sometimes even whine about my life, but overall its not that bad. Sure things may not go as planned, but that's life for you. I have had some amazing opportunities to travel across Europe, live in Spain & DC, work on the East Coast, and meet some inspiring/incredible people. I have a nice job, a car that functions, a full belly, and my books. Sure I may not have my own apartment, but life could be sooo much worse than it is now.

Books. Yes, my books. Thank you for helping me cope with some pretty bad life experiences. Thank you for helping me understand myself better. Thank you for helping me reconcile who I am and where I come from. Without you, I don't know where I'd be!

Words of Wisdom #12

"That is part of the beauty of all literature. You discover that your longings are universal longings, that you're not lonely and isolated from anyone. You belong."

 - F. Scott Fitzgerald

For those that wonder why I read voraciously, this is one of the reasons why. I may not always connect with those around me, but at the very least I connect with the authors I read. Those who I have connected with and shared some of my most intimate details of my life you are truly blessed to have heard those words leave my mouth.

Happy list #7

I really do enjoy making my happy lists. It helps keep my life in perspective and remind myself of what I have and how lucky I am.

1. Midnight in Paris! I watched and I am in love with it!!! Instant favorite!
2. Scoring a pair of Vera Wang Lavender flats at Marshall's for $50!!!
3. Wearing my fave pair of jeans and getting complimented on them.
4. Eating carne asada tacos with freshly made frijoles de olla (my fave!)
5. Date night with mami: ballet folkorico show and dinner.
6. Playing words with friends.
7. Baking pumpkin spice cupcakes from scratch and making my own cream cheese frosting.
8. Playing with my nephew and smothering him with kisses. And having him give me a kiss back!
9. Taking the first step to getting my first tattoo done in a few weeks!
10. My little sister surprised us all and came home for a few days!!!

Music Monday #12

Happy Monday y'all!!! One of my favorite songs, I heard the other night on the radio and I immediately proceeded to bump it in my car, and sing along. :)

Post Secret #14

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Because when I was little I used to think if you swung high enough on the swing it could make you fly. Oh how I tried. Childhood innocence at its best!

Fill in the Blank Friday #12

 

 

1.   A nervous habit I have is     biting my nails. I'm awful for doing this and boy have I tried to kick it to the crub  .

2.   Something that makes me sad is   parents who mistreat their children      .

3.  Today I am thankful for    my friends, books, lattes, and to embracing all my flaws for what they are     .

4. My favorite room in my house is    my room :)   .

5.  I can't stand   people who are close-minded and refuse to give a new thing a try   .

6.  If I had an extra $100 to spend on whatever I wanted today I would    take a trip to Strand Books and buy my heart's content of books!

7.  The last person I hung out with was    my BFF this morning. :)