Fill in the Blanks Friday #5

1.   My current obsession is      running and working out.   .

2.    My students      make me happy.

3.  My greatest strength is   my ability to connect with my students and help them realize their potential   .

4.    My inability to communicate   is my greatest weakness.

5.  My life is    is a bit out of control right now, but its slowly going to come together one day .

6.  In high school I was     a huge prude, an athlete, and a huge nerd.    .

7.  When I'm super tired    I get cranky and mean .

10 things I learned from Prudence

Merriam-Webster defines Prudence as "the ability to govern and discipline oneself by the use of reason; caution or cirucumspection as to danger or risk."

This is my list of 10 things I learned from Prudence.

1. Planning for your future does not always produce the desired results.
2. In fact it might just cause you to waste away your youth.
3. Only a handful of positive outcomes emerge from exercising prudence.
4. How to hide your true feelings, likes, and conform to society's and your family's expectations. (And this is not a good thing)
5. How to effectively read, write, and create ridiculously long study guides.
6. You can't survive life by being scared. You need to attack risk (or the danger) head on.
7.  Take risks.
8. Be yourself. No one got ahead ( or learned to be happy) in life by lying to themselves.
9. And planning can lead you astray to another wonderful plan that you'll end up loving more than your original one.
10. Finally, I learned how to be the biggest prude possible, but in the process of unpruding myself. (Yes, I just gave myself poetic license. :) )

Remember: Exercise Prudence in moderation. Use extreme caution when around Prudence. 

The Talk

"Can we talk?"

"Sure! Go for it." I sounded so calm and even happy to hear the phrase 'can we talk?' Usually everyone dreads that phrase because it signifies something bad. I could argue that what happened that night was bad.

"I need a break from all of this."

"Mmmm, okay."

I can't quite say that I'm completely upset that I can't stand my ex-boyfriend's guts. No means possible. But rather it hurts, it stings, and its downright tragic. You see, that night I didn't lose my boyfriend, but also my best friend. I cried. I cried some more on the drive home. And then I cried some more. But I'll be fine. I'm actually happy for my best friend.

We needed this. This break. We both needed it. Breaks are good. Breaks mean a refresher, a breather; it implies a good thing, right?! Do I miss him? Oh heck yes. I would be lying if I said that he isn't the love of my life, because he is. But why does our society make breaks such a bad thing? This break is an uncertain one, as is anything with life, but I must'nt stress over this. I have no control over it. I control only myself and my actions. I can sure hope that we will eventually reunite and be in a relationship again.

Our relationship has been quite one sided and selfish on my part. I allowed myself the luxury of experiencing life and finding myself. And I was even a mean girl to him at one point. That was scary. To this day I still don't know where I even got the cajones to muster up that inner mean girl. All I do know is that it due to my inabilities to communicate and effectively express my frustrations and insecurities.

I digress.

I love my best friend; he means the world to me. We've had some great times together. We've been through rough patches. No matter how ugly (or scary) it got we always stuck it out. You see, we have this unexplainable chemistry.  No other person has been able to catch my attention and quite literally take my breath away like he has.

I find myself alone and upset. Yes, I have cried. Believe me, I've shed my fair share of tears, but as the saying goes: "No use in crying over spilled milk."

At this point, all I can do is regain my composure and keep on trucking with my life. I wish my best friend the best on his journey and many successes. I hope that one day we will reunite and share round of good times together. For now I must spend time on myself and search within myself to become a better person. I know, it all sounds cliche, but sometimes those damn cliches have it right. It won't be an easy task for myself. I struggle with it every day; my current mantra is 'one day at a time.'

And yes, I just put my heart on sleeve (or rather online). Sometimes its the only way we can wear our hearts.

Words of Wisdom #5

Last week something I knew was bound to happen, did happen. It wasn't easy, nor will it be easy in the coming days, weeks, and months, but it will get better. This was for the best. I look to these words to help ease the pain and hopefully help me become a better person as well. 

"I will greet this day with love in my heart.  And how will I do this?  Henceforth will I look on all things with love and I will be born again.  I will love the sun for it warms my bones; yet I will love the rain for it cleanses my spirit. I will love the light for it shows me the way; yet I will love the darkness for it shows me the stars.  I will welcome happiness for it enlarges my heart; yet I will endure sadness for it opens my soul.  I will acknowledge rewards for they are my due; yet I will welcome obstacles for they are my challenge."

- Og Mandino

things that make me happy

in lieu of the usual (things I want Tuesday) and inspired by Taza's happy lists here is my own.

10 things that currently make me happy

1. The hugs I get from my spirit/cheer girls.
2. The simple fact that its finally autumn and it will start to cool down in LA.
3. My runs. Just me, my iPod, and the asphalt.
4. My job. I love working for an after school program and my kiddos.
5. Embracing my flaws and working to make myself a better person.
6. star shaped pasta in my chicken soup
7. getting positive feedback on my writing
8. reconnecting with old friends
9. coffee
10. the new star wars themed VW commercial :)

Music Monday #4

I discovered this group via Unabashedly Prep and I can't get enough of this song. 

Post Secret #6

I am guilty of this time and time again. Currently I am a work in progress. One day I will say everything that I need to say. First I need to write it down to validate myself. One day you will read/hear everything I have to say.

Have a great week everyone!

What does it mean to be Mexican?

I wrote this piece back on December 23, 2008. It's from another blog that I had. It seems to be getting a huge response now, so maybe, just maybe I'm heading somewhere with my writing? I think it may be time to share my pieces. I hope you enjoy this.

From about the 1870s until the mid 1900s, in Latin American there existed two words that referenced someone who was above their culture, specially one who associated themselves with Europe. These two terms were: "afrancesado" and "galicismo mental", both refer to someone who is from Latin America but somehow does not "mentally" fall into the category of thinking like a latin american. I feel that somehow I fall into both of these words. It wasn't until I left for college and started to take Spanish courses at Georgetown that I realized the true importance of my culture, maybe that's why you leave for college to realize your true self. Point being here that it really wasn't until I was in Spain and Europe that I grasped my own cultural identity and it took in deeply. Now as I find myself back in Mexico after almost four years of being away I find myself contemplating what it means to be "Mexican." Many of the Latin American writers left their home country to visit the US or Europe, or both, then returned to their respective country to continue writing. However it was on their voyages that each writer realized the importance of their culture and country. I feel often times that somehow I emulated one of their voyages in going to Spain to study. Now I find myself

My mother is from a small town in Jalisco, Mexico known as Ahualulco de Mercado. Actually I think now its becoming a small city because its quickly becoming populated and urbanized. The way I dress, speak and act does not reflect any customs held here in Mexico. If anything I think it reflects the bourgeios part of Mexican society. Personally I don't find wearing heavy makeup attractive, but of course we are all different and unique, some love it, I don't, which is perfectly fine. However, I find myself feeling like an outcast because yesterday as I went out for dinner with my family that I was clearly not from "here" and I was from another strata of Mexican society. Oddly enough, part of that strata that is almost nonexistent here: the middle class. Back to the point in hand: the way I dress is not "urban" by any means and more preppy and refined, probably has to do with the fact that I attend Georgetown. (Somehow this rubbed off on my ways of dressing.) I really do wish I could be accepted as a Mexican but I'm not and probably won't ever be. Also the biggest indicator that I'm not from these parts and that I don't speak colloquial dialect of Mexican Spanish is that I keep using phrases and idioms that are only pertinent to Spain. I try not to, but somehow its been ingrained into my head. So I say frequently, "vale," "movil," and "venga". Instead of "celular," "okay," and "andale."

Even as we went into Guadalajara today I still felt out of place. I still felt an outsider. My uncle took me today to the Cathedral, which is gorgeous! I loved being able to see the Cathedral for myself and analyze it with my eyes and hands, versus learning about it in my art history class. He also took me to El Teatro Degollado which was edified in about the mid 1800s. It is a gorgeous theatre. We then proceeded to find these really cool looking chairs by a government building. We ended the day with some window shopping at San Juan de Dios, which is this huge market where you can buy anything from food, vegetables, to shoes to artesanias to even animals. I hope to go back by the weeks end because I saw a few things I want to purchase to take back as gifts.

Maybe I won't ever be "Mexican" enough or just "Mexican" maybe I'm supposed to be "Mexican American". I really don't like to label myself but it seems as if in our world we have this urgency to label who we are in order to categorize and organize ourselves better. Let me attempt to label myself: woman, 21 year old, college student, Latina, Mexican, American, feminist, runner, bibliophile, daughter, sister, library worker.....and the list goes on. I'm sure I'm missing a label or two in here somewhere, but no matter how I try to look at myself I will always be labeled by one person one way and another way by myself.

So what then does it mean to be "Mexican"? I still don't understand what it would take for me to be called a true "Mexican." Or will I never be called "Mexican" because I was born in the US and don't know all the customs that make a Mexican a Mexican. Even though I feel as if I do everything that is Mexican. I mean I am Catholic, I don't mind being a domestic, or is it the fact that I have studied and read about Mexico from an outside perspective? Is this what makes me not a Mexican? I guess this will always be a paradigm of mine, will I ever be Mexican enough for all? I Know some will be like oh there goes that Mexican and to others I won't ever be Mexican enough. Maybe the question I should really be asking is do I think I'm Mexican enough? Because if that is the correct question I should be asking myself, then yes I believe I am Mexican enough.

OOTN #1

Please disregard my appearance. It was a long day. 

OOTN
T-shirt: UCSC via mom
Sweater: Thomas Burberry
Jeans: Gap
Shoes: Tommy Hilfiger flats

Spent some time tonight at the farmer's market. Got some yummy fruits, bread, and pastries. Now to relax for a hectic weekend babysitting Benjamin.

Fill in the Blank #4

1.   The best thing I did all week was     teach my cheer girls how to build a pyramid  .

2.   Dark chocolate and salted caramel mochas      make me super happy.

3.  Pets are   a great addition to any home   .

4.    My determination   is the best thing about my life.

5.  With the cooler weather I am looking forward to    to-go lattes, baking, and rain .

6.  Something that's on my "wish list" right now is     a pair of Frye boots in cognac and a Kate Spade bag   .

7.  This weekend I am going to    learn cheer stunts/routines, go to Travel Town with my family, babysitting Benjamin, and spending more QT with my family. Pretty much a semi-uneventful weekend.  .

Words of Wisdom Wednesday #4

"...change comes like a little wind that ruffles the curtains at dawn, and it comes like the stealthy perfume of wildflowers hidden in the grass." 

- John Steinbeck

Things I Want Tuesday #4

Cece Stud Ballet Flats J.Crew

SUPERCALIFRAGILIPSTICK! Kate Spade

Windsor Terrace Bon Shopper Kate Spade

Broome St Jeans Kate Spade

I may or may not have found the jeans I am meant to get. Yes, even though the price tag is hefty. I need to start saving now!

Proud Banana Slug Sister!

Thought I'd write up a quick post on how proud I am of my little sister for embarking on her own four year journey at UC-Santa Cruz. Making me a proud banana slug sister!!! I look forward to hearing about your adventures, triumphs, and mistakes. Its going to be a crazy fast four years. I hope they are the best four years. I can't wait to go visit you on my school/work breaks and get to know the beautiful city of Santa Cruz as you will no doubt know very well soon. I know we've had our differences, quarrels, etc. After all we are as different as night and day. I know you'll do great things and learn many things about our world, yourself, and what it means to be a colored-Latina-Mexican-1st generation university student. Remember I will always be here even if you need a Skype buddy at 2am.

Miss you!

xoxo

C.

Post Secret #5

via Post Secret

Fill in the Blank #3

1.   You should always take time to     read and drink some good coffee  .

2.    The innocence of children      make(s) the world a happier place to be.

3.  I can hardly wait for   November   .

4.    Saturday   is my favorite day of the week.

5.  Something totally dumb and ridiculous that I love is    how my laptop makes my thighs feel warm after its been on my lap .

6.  If I could, I would   hire a seamstress to make me all the dresses and skirts i desire    .

7.  I rather like    vanilla milkshakes and chili cheese fries   .

Words of Wisdom Wednesday #3

“Not all those who wander are lost.”

― J. R. R. Tolkien

Things I Want Tuesday #3

Another round of Things I Want. :)
I may or may not have a problem with just wanting to wear dresses and skirts. Maybe its time my jeans made a come back? I'm still searching for a perfect pair. Any suggestions?t

Gorgeous Halter Dress - Anthropologie

Sweater dress UO

Marc by Marc Jacobs Dress

CoH Ava Jeans

Music Monday #3

Post Secret Sunday #4

Because sometimes we all just need a few minutes of not having to worry about anything.

Fill in the Blank Friday #1

1.   Somewhere someone is     going through a roller coaster of emotions  .

2.    Writers      is/are my muse.

3.  It would suck if    coffee    was no more because,    I would not function  .

4.    Friday   is/are my favorite thing about today.

5.  Life is kind of like     ice skating. You fall down, you get up, fall again, get hurt, get better at it, then realize that you don't know what you're doing still .

6.  If I could have anything I wanted I would want   to be happy with life    .

7.  A funny thing happened the other day...    when one of my students said "Miss Christina my butt is sticky"   .

Words of Wisdom Wednesday #2

"I am not what happened to me, I am what I choose to become."

- Carl Jung

Life lessons.

Life lessons.

Yes. Life lessons.

Those pesky life lessons. Well, not really. In the past week I've really come to understand a few of those life lessons myself. Since I graduated in '09 I've realized the following:

- life is about being happy. Be happy with who you are, who you are with, and with what you are doing.
- indulge in your favorite foods, even if they might make you gain a few pounds.
- stretch marks are not the end of the world. I like mine. Yes, I just admitted online that I have stretch marks.
- discover your true passion for a career. Do it so that it makes you happy. I love to be in the classroom even if I am underpaid and overworked. My students make me happy.
-realizing that when an old HS teacher tells you about finding your "better half" she really means that. Its just as simple "as I knew he/she was the one." This person really is your better half, your BFF, and the one that completes you. Yes, it might be cheesy, but it is true.
- living in the same time zone as your bestie does not always guarantee you quality time via phone calls, but it does bring some amazing online chats.
- money is not everything.
- travel with the people you love and care about. You learn so much from them by just going on a simple road trip.
- keep in touch with old friends. Yes, college friends are great, but old friends from HS remind you of who you are and where you came from.

I've been thinking a lot lately. More of an attempt to make sense of a lot of things that I have been avoiding or just ignoring all together. There are things I need to change in order to have better relationships/friendships with people. Mostly, I just need to communicate more, especially when I get hurt and angry. As a cancer I tend to shut myself in; something that I've become a professional at since my childhood. (You're reading about a girl who learned to hide in her toy box so that no one would find her.) So this post is a huge ramble, it is an honest attempt at making amends and changes in my life. I apologize if its a bit melodramatic, but I can't help but be a little melodramatic every now and then.

Things I Want Tuesday #2

Another round of Things I Want Tuesday....

These boots are to die for! 

A bit more practical for SoCal: Rain boots

L.L. Bean Signature Merino Wool Leggings

As much as I love boots, I live in sunny Southern California, which means that most of the year its gorgeous and I can get away with wearing sandals. Boots for me are wishful and lustful thinking. However, rain boots...now those I can get! These merino wool leggings look comfy and warm and hopefully not too warm for SoCal winters.

Weekend Roundup

Weekend round up

Friday night: Spent quality time with El Novio. Ate yummy In n Out, relaxed, finished watching Friends with Benefits, and cuddled. Perfect night in my opinion.

Saturday: Ate 5 Guys with El Novio for lunch! Delish! Trojans won! Bruins lost! :) (I mean darn it! They lost!)

Sunday: Family lunch at the San Antonio Winery. Here are a few pictures from Sunday. Then I had a yummy dinner of pizza, chicken, and spuds with El Novio. We also started watching Thor and spent more quality time together.

Papi and younger sister

Ridiculously priced wines.

It looks like I have a calavera for a head!

A catrina I want to get! Day of the Dead is coming up! My fave holiday!

Flor and Benjamin

Benjamin took this picture of Grandma & Grandpa

He doesn't like flash. My big brother & Benjamin

Benjamin took a candid of me on the phone.

According to him this giraffe belongs to him.

Eekk! Wine! and more wine!

Us working the press!

Three generations of Estradas!

Benjamin being tough and working the press alone.

Music Monday #2

I can't get enough of this song! A great song to start a short work week! Hope everyone's Labor Day Weekend was a good one!

Post Secret Sunday #3

Revised 'New Year's Resolutions'

You did it. I did it. Shoot, we all do it.


No. Not that.


I'm referring to the other that. You know, the one (or ones) that we make at the start of every year. Yup, new year's resolutions. I always fail at being successful in accomplishing them. So this is another attempt at revising them so I can accomplish them.


Here goes:
1. Running at least 3 times a week.
2. Stop biting my nails. (I swear this has been the toughest one for me)
3. Read more.
4. Visit more museums/explore more events across SoCal.
5. Keep organized.
6. Save more!!!! 
7. Get a full time teaching gig.


Pretty straight forward and simple, right? I'm definitely set on tackling these. Do you ever revise and revisit your new year's resolutions as the year progresses?