April 18, 2012

Words of Wednesday #31

"You think your pain and your heartbreak are unprecedented in the history of the world, but then you read. It was books that taught me that the things that tormented me most were the very things that connected me with all the people who were alive, or who had ever been alive." - James Baldwin


April 17, 2012

happy note #1

I'm trying to have a positive and optimistic outlook on life. Hence, my happy lists and happy moments. I'm going to give it a go at writing a happy note to someone in my life on a weekly basis, because when the people I love are happy so am I. :)

Dear Stray Kitty we adopted:


Even though you won't let me pet you, and I feed you on a daily basis, you bring a smile to my face. I love getting home and seeing you curled up on our lawn chair, as if you are purposefully waiting for me. I love how nap in the grass out back and how you've become a part of our family. I hope one day you'll let me pet you.

Love,
C.

April 15, 2012

Busted, err, bustiness?!

Does any one else have a ridiculously large bosom that is hard to contain and hide?! I'm coming to terms that I am one busty female, and I'm finding ways of hiding them, read: more like slim down in certain tops. I love to wear 3/4 sleeve boat neck tops, but I feel like these often accentuate them more than necessary. Does this happen to anyone else? Any other Latinas out there that suffer from this as well?! Please share your thoughts on this topic. I know most gals would die to have a big bosom, but I'm a very full C-cup, probably even a small D-cup and as a future teacher I need to be aware of how I present myself. Because, after all, there is more to me than just a body, I do have brains! :)

Post Secret Sunday #28

via Post Secret
I know your pain. I constantly feel this way, and because of this I hope I can be a good teacher and not judge my students.

April 14, 2012

Moments of happiness

Inspired by another post on moments of happiness via design scouting; I've decided to compile my own moments of happiness.

Current moments of happiness (or rather, most recently as well)
Sharing a Milky Way with the BFF.
Eating my favorite burger with my favorite people: the Big Brother, Benster, the BFF.
Reading and eating Bunny Peeps.
Studying for my CSETs, really a pain, but it means I'm one step closer to becoming a teacher!
Ordering new "teacher" clothes online and a nice wallet!
Drinking a Mexican Pepsi!
Gym time with the BFF.
Finally figuring out how to deadlift, Pendlay row, and squat correctly.
Officially registered for the Nike Women's Marathon in SF!

Now for moments of happiness from the past:
Graduating from Georgetown.
Being accepted into the Rossier School of Education at USC.
Traveling in Europe.
Laying in bed with a very special person and just spending hours cuddling.
Taking a road trip to NorCal and SF with said above person and walking copious amounts of miles. And, sharing one too many laughs the entire trip.
Meeting and welcoming my first nephew into the world. Actually getting to hold him for the first time after months of just seeing him via Skype.
Participating in the Vagina Monologues.
Indulging in an Ily latte or mocha.
Walking through the streets of DC with no particular direction.
Learning to cook dinner with said very special person from above. Turns out you do need spices to the meat to make a patty melt taste good. :)

I must remember to focus on the moments of happiness and not let my past experiences ruin everything that lies ahead of me. So you hear that ugly, nasty images I will not let you bring me down. Because I am stronger, tougher, and smarter than to let you bring me down and intimidate me into being a submissive, vulnerable woman. I will and I am going to conquer you.

April 9, 2012

Challenge accepted!

Yes, I just registered for the Nike Women's Marathon in October in one of my favorite cities in the US and the world! Now to train my toosh off by running a lot and becoming BFF with my local canyon trails and hills.

April 6, 2012

g.p.o.y.




Spending my Friday going to an interview, and afterwards studying/reading until my eyes pop out :)

¡feliz viernes!

April 5, 2012

Family.

Today I got a call from my older sister informing me of a tragic accident in my mother's hometown in Mexico. A large number of my mother's family works in the sugarcane fields of Jalisco out by Tala/Ameca (if you happen to know that area). Its customary for the men who work out on the sugarcane fields to ride on top of the big diesel trucks with the loaded sugarcane. Not sure how it happened, but the truck driver struck head on with a tree and 12 men lost their lives. 2 of those men are confirmed to be my cousins. Another 3 of my cousins who also work with the same company are still missing. We don't know if they were on the truck or another one or even still out on the fields. This is a huge blow to my family, especially since my aunt passed away in December of last year, our matriarch in the family. I feel like our family is missing huge holes now. I don't even know who trips back to Mexico will be like with all of these family members missing. I keep thinking back to my cousin's families and their children. They were both in their mid 30s, young and strong men. My mother departs tonight for Guadalajara for the funeral and novenario. The novenario is a 9 day public prayer service where condolences are given to the family(-ies). During this period a lot of people come by to give their condolences, even if they did not know the deceased very well. Of course, food is bountiful and the immediate family is present for all 9 days of prayer.

I really dislike having to deal with death and grief in my family, but as I grow older it seems to be ever more present than before. How to even cope with people passing away in general is hard, its even harder when its your own family members.

Positive update

My funk has left me feeling really negative these past few weeks and I really need to snap out of it! I need to check myself, before I wreck myself ;)

Positive things in my life at the moment:
1. Registered for my CSETs in English! And I realized its on the day I had registered for a 5k :(
2. I fit back into my size 6 J.Crew skirts! Woot! Take that college weight! :)
3. Reread one of my favorite high school books: Fahrenheit 451
4. Met my master teacher and principal at my placement high school for student teaching and observations.
5. Bought a blouse in 2 different colors that slims me down and are appropriate for student teaching! Yay! Minimizing my bossom!
6. Planning a visit to my old work site to visit my kiddos and coworkers.
7. Starting a new job! Yay! Back with students!
8. Having my shoes snap and break at the library at school, but being saved by my running shoes. 
9. Nifty new H2Obottle in USC colors!
10. Spending Tuesday evening reading for this weekend's class!

April 4, 2012

Words of Wisdom #30

"Hard work is not the path to Well- Being. Feeling good is the path to Well-Being. You don't create through action; you create through vibration. And then, your vibration calls action from you."

- Esther Abraham-Hicks

April 2, 2012

Funk....

¿Como se dice 'funk' en español? 

That was one of my favorite lines as an undergad to ask my professors or my program director in Salamanca. And, oddly enough its how I feel right now about my current state of mind: funk. I feel sad. I feel blah. In the last few weeks I realized that I lost another close male friend and it hurts. I can't shake this feeling of potentially being sexually attacked again. Its made me paranoid. I honestly don't feel safe. I think it hit a new point yesterday when I was in Tijuana, Mexico with my mother and sister. It makes me wonder that maybe I need to seek professional help. I'm losing myself in my books again. This is a good and bad thing. Good because I love to read and analyze the text in front of me. Bad because I'm shutting everyone else out. Reading and books have been my security blanket since I can remember. My wall of defense against everyone that can potentially hurt me. No se que hacer, ni a donde ir. Then, to top it off, lately I haven't been feeling feminine enough. I don't feel like I am a mujer. Sé que soy mujer pero no lo siento. Bottom line: I need to get my mind off the issue of gender constructs and deal with my issues at hand. Taking the first step is always the hardest....and boy, is this hard for me right now.