Uh-oh I did it again...

I've been a super bad blogger! I've neglected everything for the past 2 months! Sorry y'all I can't even make an excuse for myself. Here's the truth: I haven't felt like writing in the past 2 months. I've even stopped making my "happy list" every week. I need to get out of this rut and get back on the horse. I can't believe the end of August is upon us and I haven't been good about posting my progress or getting back into the swing of things with social media.

A few updates:
- still aggressively paying off my car
- making progress on my credit card debt
- my running is improving, I even joined a running group!
- I joined a gym, and I love it!
- started yoga once a week...great way to start my week
- Thriller (our dog) gave us quite the scare about 2 weeks ago. Thankfully the vet gave her a clean bill of health and we still can't explain why she got so lethargic and moody.
- Work is moving along. I heard some great news, but nothing has come of it yet.
- I'm hoping to return back to finish my Masters next year in the fall.
- I've managed to stop biting my nails for 2+ weeks now. I can't wait for a mani and pedi next week.

Okay, I will attempt, and make notes for myself to blog more often and update the site. I have all these ideas, but none have come to fruition due to my own lack of energy/motivation, and overall laziness, to get them done.

Have a good weekend everyone!

Note to Self

Boy am I glad that it is Sunday and the start of another week! Last week was a brutal week for me. It felt like the WORST WEEK EVER! First I chipped a tooth, and I may or may not have cried about it. Not for the chipped tooth, but for the fact that my insurance has not gone through yet. Talk about an unexpected massive expense. I'm set to see the dentist next week on Saturday. Then, I was upset because the money I had set aside to pay off my credit card would be going to paying for my dental work. I was also having tension headaches and feeling sick to my stomach, not a great week mentally or emotionally. Just when I though things couldn't get any worse they did! I was pulled over on Thursday for using our local express lane, and having my transponder set on 3 versus 1. I was so upset I was ready to cry in my car as I drove to work. Pretty much one rotten thing after another. Then as I sat at work attempting to read the reports and make my entries it hit me. Yes, this week pretty much blew and was awful. However, I didn't have to focus so much on all the negative aspects of it. I would just focus on one thing at a time, then proceed. As for the chipped tooth, yes I'll probably have to pay cash to have it fixed, but I can set up a payment plan with my dentist. As for the insurance it should be kicking in soon. As for paying off my credit card, I paid most of it off the other night. Now I only owe less than $100 on it! Woot! That means when July rolls around I can pay off the balance. Since I am ahead a car payment I don't have another payment due until August, so that means if I'm tight on money I can choose to skip my payment in July and still be okay! Now for that pesky ticket, I did my research and discovered that the CHP officer was not justified in giving me a ticket! The code he cited does not mention anything about incorrect setting use.....so I'm going to fight the ticket and prepare a Trial by Declaration and fight for dismissal of the ticket.

Guess I learned my lesson last week. Even when things are just going awful and seem to continuously get worse then it hits you. Either you can choose to let it all bog you down and make you feel super awful or crummy, or you switch your attitude and deal with all the issues appropriately. Now here's to the start of another week and a great week at that!

I said I would so I am

Here's another post for this week! Quick update.

1. I purchased whole term life insurance through my employer! (This made me feel so much more like an "adult")

2. I managed to sock away $250 into my savings from this paycheck!

3. My budget looks good, now to stick to it.

4. I've read 26 of 30 books for my goal this year. Yikes!!! Might I need to revise this goal soon.

5. I bought the cutest task pads at Target for only $1 each!! I may go back and purchase a few more.

6. I promise to come back and write more in due time.

Have a good weekend!

No excuses

I really have no excuses as to why I haven't been blogging like I've been telling myself. Yes, I do get busy. I am exhausted when I get home from work, but that's no real excuse to not make time to write. I told myself, as its one of my resolutions, that this year I would write more. I mean, sit down, and write! I've been struggling to write and explore for the past two years now. I used to write like crazy in middle and high school, then I stopped. I definitely know that when I stopped writing for myself in college its when I got to a dark period of my life. Now I feel like I'm finally re-emerging and becoming a bit like my old "high school me". Work is going well. Can you believe that I'm almost up for my 6 month review?! Next week! Yikes!!!! Time sure does fly by. A quick recap to how I've been progressing.

Financially
- Month by month I'm getting closer to paying off my car! If I stick to my plan I'll be done by February of next year! 4 months ahead of schedule.
- Down to my last credit card! Balance of $662! My plan of action is to have that sucker paid off by December of this year!
- I have an okay savings, not the greatest, but I've made a habit to "pay myself" first after bills, and it's sort of become addicting. More on that later.
- I finally opened a Roth IRA and started to read and learn about finance and investing. By the end of this year I'm going to be a power woman investing in the stock market!

Emotionally
- I'm definitely in a better place. No more nasty thoughts for now at least. I seem to have regained my self-confidence back.
- Anxiety is under control. Still a bit whacky every now and then. You can tell when its bad by looking at my nails. I'm a chronic nail biter. Although I've done an excellent job at not biting them in the past few months.

Physically
- I've been running for 12 weeks now. I feel incredible and great when I run! The focus has been on developing my cardio, breathing, and endurance. Not focusing on distance. I know it will come with due time. I've decided to take on the Beach Cities Challenge this year and look forward to completing those races.

I can't promise I'll blog soon or do so on a daily basis, but this is me stating that I can't be making excuses about my writing. I can't put it off. I need to set aside my anxiety of authorship and just write. I like to think that this is my first step towards writing freely without my anxiety inhibiting any of it.

Checking In

Well, once again I've fallen a bit quiet on the blogging front, but I thought I'd at least check in and mark some of my progress.

One of my resolutions this year was to conquer my debt and become financially stable and save more! A huge resolution to take on. So far so good! I've paid off one credit card, and well on my way to paying off a second one this month! Yay! In terms of saving....well its progressing, but not at the rate I'd like to. This year I came this really neat savings plan to help me at least save up for a vacation. I just started a new job, so I'm hoping that by the end of this year I'll have enough time accrued for a vacation and the money to finance it!

As for my resolution to be fit and get back on track....well its moving along slowly. Last year in October I ran the Nike Women's marathon and ended up with two black big toe nails, which left me side lined for roughly four months. Now I'm back. I purchased a new pair of running shoes and have embarked on week 1 of C25K. You ask what is C25K?! Only an amazing free podcast you can download to help you get back on track. I was supposed to get early today, but I let my excuses get the best of me. However, I did go out and purchase a  bright, shiny new high impact Moving Comfort sports bra! Now, tomorrow I will get up and go get the third day in.

I'm reading again. Not as furiously as I once was, but I am into my 8th book of 30 books goal for this year. I promise I will post my resolutions soon. Also, I'm almost done redesigning my blog and injecting more of me into design. I've also gotten better at resisting my impulses to buy random things that won't be in use for long. I must admit though I have bought a few things, some unnecessary others practical, but its getting better.

Okay, I promise to be back soon and post more on my resolutions, life, and goals.

Currently...

....I'm catching up with life post summer job, and about to become super busy with school, work, mentoring, and just plain ol' life. Thought I'd start by documenting some of my favorite things at the moment.

1) Herschel Laptop Sleeve - I ab-so-lu-te-ly love it!!! It was a birthday gift from él. (Sidenote: él is the guy I'm currently dating.) I love the leather on the bottom, the color navy blue, and the fuzzy, soft fleece interior. I'd been searching for one for ages, and I found one on Zappos as I was browsing. Definitely one of the best birthday gifts I've received in ages.

2) Books - Yes, I managed to find a Norton American Literature Anthology vol. 1 for $2!!! Score for me! Also, picked up this other book Making Literature Matter. Both books cost a whooping....wait for it....wait for it....$4.35 with tax!!! Yes, I do get this excited over purchasing books at a discount!

3) Trader Joe's Fleur de Sel Caramels - I love caramel anything, but salted caramel is my kryptonite! These are tooo die for. I bought a box at TJ's a few weeks ago, and I've been slowly eating one at a time. So hard not to just give in and eat all of them in one sitting. Definitely a great pick me up treat!

De regreso

Yes, she's back from the dead. And no, she's not going back any time soon. Sorry I've been so quiet online these past few months. Life got in the way. My own anxieties and insecurities also got the best of me. But, I've decided that I'm ready to start writing again, and blogging, too. Life is about to get super hectic again now that school, work, volunteering, and running is picking up again. Longer posts to resume in the next day or so.

So what have you been up to? Miss me?

I am not...

On the verge of tears and this can't be good.

I am not upset that my mother doesn't support my career choice.
I am not upset that I was just told by my mother that my current job isn't paying me enough. Ya know sometimes we accept jobs because we LOVE them, not because of the pay.
I am not upset and frustrated that my tutoring check is somewhere in the mail and I haven't received it yet.
I am not mad at the fact that I am back to being a completely broke grad student.
I am not overwhelmed at the fact that I have to lesson plan and create syllabi for 4 weeks of public policy curriculum.
I am not sad about the fact that I'm about to turn 25 and not where I want to be in life.
I am not beating myself up for the fact that the more I do, the less I feel I accomplish.
I am not feeling pathetic and lame.
I am not depressed over the fact that my blogger and tumblr friends understand me better than my actual friends.
I am not going to let my negativity bring me down, tomorrow is a new day and I hope know it will be better.

Silence

I know I've been a bad blogger. I've been rather quiet around these parts. I've been dealing with my own self. THey say we are own worst enemy. Today was a good day. Actually a great day. Better than others. Mostly because I got to tagalong with the BFF to drive up to Santa Barbara to pick up his little brother from school. And, I even got to walk for a bit along Goleta Beach! And...wait for it....wade in the water for a bit. I haven't done that in quite a long time, so long that I don't even recall when was the last time. It was so nice to just have that me time on the beach. Going to the beach has always been one of my favorite things, sadly I don't do it enough. I really need to change that. It makes me happy. After all at one point I did want to be a marine biologist. (I still know a lot of random facts about the ocean, animals, plant life, and the ecosystem.) I think I'm due for a full day trip to the beach, provided that I lather myself with sunscreen, otherwise I'll end up as one huge red tomato! Not fun.

I must remain positive and strong. I have my CSETs this Saturday and I can do this!

Busted, err, bustiness?!

Does any one else have a ridiculously large bosom that is hard to contain and hide?! I'm coming to terms that I am one busty female, and I'm finding ways of hiding them, read: more like slim down in certain tops. I love to wear 3/4 sleeve boat neck tops, but I feel like these often accentuate them more than necessary. Does this happen to anyone else? Any other Latinas out there that suffer from this as well?! Please share your thoughts on this topic. I know most gals would die to have a big bosom, but I'm a very full C-cup, probably even a small D-cup and as a future teacher I need to be aware of how I present myself. Because, after all, there is more to me than just a body, I do have brains! :)

Moments of happiness

Inspired by another post on moments of happiness via design scouting; I've decided to compile my own moments of happiness.

Current moments of happiness (or rather, most recently as well)
Sharing a Milky Way with the BFF.
Eating my favorite burger with my favorite people: the Big Brother, Benster, the BFF.
Reading and eating Bunny Peeps.
Studying for my CSETs, really a pain, but it means I'm one step closer to becoming a teacher!
Ordering new "teacher" clothes online and a nice wallet!
Drinking a Mexican Pepsi!
Gym time with the BFF.
Finally figuring out how to deadlift, Pendlay row, and squat correctly.
Officially registered for the Nike Women's Marathon in SF!

Now for moments of happiness from the past:
Graduating from Georgetown.
Being accepted into the Rossier School of Education at USC.
Traveling in Europe.
Laying in bed with a very special person and just spending hours cuddling.
Taking a road trip to NorCal and SF with said above person and walking copious amounts of miles. And, sharing one too many laughs the entire trip.
Meeting and welcoming my first nephew into the world. Actually getting to hold him for the first time after months of just seeing him via Skype.
Participating in the Vagina Monologues.
Indulging in an Ily latte or mocha.
Walking through the streets of DC with no particular direction.
Learning to cook dinner with said very special person from above. Turns out you do need spices to the meat to make a patty melt taste good. :)

I must remember to focus on the moments of happiness and not let my past experiences ruin everything that lies ahead of me. So you hear that ugly, nasty images I will not let you bring me down. Because I am stronger, tougher, and smarter than to let you bring me down and intimidate me into being a submissive, vulnerable woman. I will and I am going to conquer you.

Challenge accepted!

Yes, I just registered for the Nike Women's Marathon in October in one of my favorite cities in the US and the world! Now to train my toosh off by running a lot and becoming BFF with my local canyon trails and hills.

Family.

Today I got a call from my older sister informing me of a tragic accident in my mother's hometown in Mexico. A large number of my mother's family works in the sugarcane fields of Jalisco out by Tala/Ameca (if you happen to know that area). Its customary for the men who work out on the sugarcane fields to ride on top of the big diesel trucks with the loaded sugarcane. Not sure how it happened, but the truck driver struck head on with a tree and 12 men lost their lives. 2 of those men are confirmed to be my cousins. Another 3 of my cousins who also work with the same company are still missing. We don't know if they were on the truck or another one or even still out on the fields. This is a huge blow to my family, especially since my aunt passed away in December of last year, our matriarch in the family. I feel like our family is missing huge holes now. I don't even know who trips back to Mexico will be like with all of these family members missing. I keep thinking back to my cousin's families and their children. They were both in their mid 30s, young and strong men. My mother departs tonight for Guadalajara for the funeral and novenario. The novenario is a 9 day public prayer service where condolences are given to the family(-ies). During this period a lot of people come by to give their condolences, even if they did not know the deceased very well. Of course, food is bountiful and the immediate family is present for all 9 days of prayer.

I really dislike having to deal with death and grief in my family, but as I grow older it seems to be ever more present than before. How to even cope with people passing away in general is hard, its even harder when its your own family members.

Positive update

My funk has left me feeling really negative these past few weeks and I really need to snap out of it! I need to check myself, before I wreck myself ;)

Positive things in my life at the moment:

1. Registered for my CSETs in English! And I realized its on the day I had registered for a 5k :(

2. I fit back into my size 6 J.Crew skirts! Woot! Take that college weight! :)

3. Reread one of my favorite high school books: Fahrenheit 451

4. Met my master teacher and principal at my placement high school for student teaching and observations.

5. Bought a blouse in 2 different colors that slims me down and are appropriate for student teaching! Yay! Minimizing my bossom!

6. Planning a visit to my old work site to visit my kiddos and coworkers.

7. Starting a new job! Yay! Back with students!

8. Having my shoes snap and break at the library at school, but being saved by my running shoes. 

9. Nifty new H2Obottle in USC colors!

10. Spending Tuesday evening reading for this weekend's class!

Funk....

¿Como se dice 'funk' en español? 

That was one of my favorite lines as an undergad to ask my professors or my program director in Salamanca. And, oddly enough its how I feel right now about my current state of mind: funk. I feel sad. I feel blah. In the last few weeks I realized that I lost another close male friend and it hurts. I can't shake this feeling of potentially being sexually attacked again. Its made me paranoid. I honestly don't feel safe. I think it hit a new point yesterday when I was in Tijuana, Mexico with my mother and sister. It makes me wonder that maybe I need to seek professional help. I'm losing myself in my books again. This is a good and bad thing. Good because I love to read and analyze the text in front of me. Bad because I'm shutting everyone else out. Reading and books have been my security blanket since I can remember. My wall of defense against everyone that can potentially hurt me. No se que hacer, ni a donde ir. Then, to top it off, lately I haven't been feeling feminine enough. I don't feel like I am a mujer. Sé que soy mujer pero no lo siento. Bottom line: I need to get my mind off the issue of gender constructs and deal with my issues at hand. Taking the first step is always the hardest....and boy, is this hard for me right now.

Good news

Just when I think life can get me down I tend to forget that I do work my ass off to not reap the rewards.

I got a job as a tutor for foster adolescents.

Got my new school placements from April to December. yay for 15 minute commutes!

Taking my teacher exams in May.

Vegas in May for the BFF's bday and possibly June if I can work out a budget for my own bday and Britt's too!

Babysitting Ben Memorial Day weekend! I can't stop thinking about all the cool things we can do and make together! And of course, get some of our favorite froyo!

I've lost a few more pounds, and dropped down to a size 6!

I gave up leisure reading, sad thing really, but glad to be studying for my state teacher exams.

And finally learning to love me for me. I swear if I don't do for it me, then no one else will.

Oh yeah, Ericka graduates in May too! And so does the BFF well June really, but I'm so happy for all the people in my life doing big, amazing things!

:)

Happy hump and pi day!

GPOY 3.1

Because this week has been ridiculous, and I've neglected my writing for the majority of this week. I'm going to pay dearly for it today. C'est la vie. I need to check myself, because, quite frankly, I let myself go last weekend. Lots of ups and downs in the past few days. Can you say emotional roller coaster?!

My attempt at turning around my week, because there's always time, or so they say....

m.i.a.

the next few days I will be m.i.a. I have way too much going on with school, work, and the play I'm in. yes, a play. I'll disclose more info after this Saturday once it's all over and not so hectic.

p.s.
I got the best compliment from a semi-stranger today: "I love your style, its sorta vintageish retro vibe you got going on. I love it.!" :)

Au revoir!

First of Many

A few days ago I finally took the plunge and got my first tattoo. I have been wanting one for years now. I've had the money for a while, but I actually went through with it. I must admit I was scared and nervous when I arrived at the tattoo artist's house. I even got more nervous when my bestie called and told me to remember to breathe and relax. (He has several tattoos himself.) This really started to psyche me out. I began to wonder if I could go through with this and really get one. Turns out I really do have more cajones (or 'balls' as they say in Mexico) to get one. I have experienced adrenaline rushes before, but never like the one I acquired post tattoo. This adrenaline rush lasted for over 3 days! I felt great, I felt like I could conquer and do whatever I set my mind to. Actually, my tattoo has a big significance for me, especially at the stage of my life that I am at right now. However, that's a story for another day. For now I leave you with a picture of my first tattoo. I'm already thinking of how I want my next tattoo, which will be a tribute to my favorite band since I was in middle school!

Drunken confessionals

Oh man...where do I even begin on drunken confessionals. Well, first off here's my personal definition: a person gets inebriated beyond recognition, proceeds to tell a good friend what they are currently thinking, or a secret or a good juicy gossip they heard via the grape vine. Then said inebriated person proceeds to blabber more than they should or realize that you are going to be sick and puke into your toilet, or side walk, or bush, etc. More likely than not you will spill out your honest feelings and thoughts, and depending on who you tell it can either be good or disastrous. Use drunken confessionals at your own risk.

I have been guilty of many sessions of drunken confessionals. I don't even know where to start on them. Oh I know let me just list a few things I've said (and have been told by others.)

- Dayyyymmnnnnnnn feisty Latina!
- "OH MY GOD!!! I want a ____ like that in me now!" {yes, I may have said this numerous times, and no I never did anything}
- "Yuly....voce e uma meninha muita boa!" {Yes, I would have full on conversations in Portuguese with my bestie and with my filter down I wasn't half bad at speaking it!}
- "Nooo...Yuly really!!? You too!?" (Proceed to run to my toilet and puke out a few long island iced teas and a pitcher or two of beer)
- "Katie!!!! Look what I found in the restroom!" (Pulls out jumbo sized industrial toilet paper roll from the restroom)
- "I don't like you." (I won't tell this to anyone sober, so if I say this drunk, its because I probably more than likely don't like you.)
-"Yuly...please, por favor, just let me call him. I need to talk to him. I miss him." (Thank you bestie for not letting me drunk dial anyone.)

Another word to the wise, if you drink with me be prepared to have me raise my volume tenfold, I'm already loud as it is, but even worse when I've been drinking. And I may or may not get overly excited when a song by Pitbull comes on the radio :)