Funk....

¿Como se dice 'funk' en español? 

That was one of my favorite lines as an undergad to ask my professors or my program director in Salamanca. And, oddly enough its how I feel right now about my current state of mind: funk. I feel sad. I feel blah. In the last few weeks I realized that I lost another close male friend and it hurts. I can't shake this feeling of potentially being sexually attacked again. Its made me paranoid. I honestly don't feel safe. I think it hit a new point yesterday when I was in Tijuana, Mexico with my mother and sister. It makes me wonder that maybe I need to seek professional help. I'm losing myself in my books again. This is a good and bad thing. Good because I love to read and analyze the text in front of me. Bad because I'm shutting everyone else out. Reading and books have been my security blanket since I can remember. My wall of defense against everyone that can potentially hurt me. No se que hacer, ni a donde ir. Then, to top it off, lately I haven't been feeling feminine enough. I don't feel like I am a mujer. Sé que soy mujer pero no lo siento. Bottom line: I need to get my mind off the issue of gender constructs and deal with my issues at hand. Taking the first step is always the hardest....and boy, is this hard for me right now.