The Talk

"Can we talk?"

"Sure! Go for it." I sounded so calm and even happy to hear the phrase 'can we talk?' Usually everyone dreads that phrase because it signifies something bad. I could argue that what happened that night was bad.

"I need a break from all of this."

"Mmmm, okay."

I can't quite say that I'm completely upset that I can't stand my ex-boyfriend's guts. No means possible. But rather it hurts, it stings, and its downright tragic. You see, that night I didn't lose my boyfriend, but also my best friend. I cried. I cried some more on the drive home. And then I cried some more. But I'll be fine. I'm actually happy for my best friend.

We needed this. This break. We both needed it. Breaks are good. Breaks mean a refresher, a breather; it implies a good thing, right?! Do I miss him? Oh heck yes. I would be lying if I said that he isn't the love of my life, because he is. But why does our society make breaks such a bad thing? This break is an uncertain one, as is anything with life, but I must'nt stress over this. I have no control over it. I control only myself and my actions. I can sure hope that we will eventually reunite and be in a relationship again.

Our relationship has been quite one sided and selfish on my part. I allowed myself the luxury of experiencing life and finding myself. And I was even a mean girl to him at one point. That was scary. To this day I still don't know where I even got the cajones to muster up that inner mean girl. All I do know is that it due to my inabilities to communicate and effectively express my frustrations and insecurities.

I digress.

I love my best friend; he means the world to me. We've had some great times together. We've been through rough patches. No matter how ugly (or scary) it got we always stuck it out. You see, we have this unexplainable chemistry.  No other person has been able to catch my attention and quite literally take my breath away like he has.

I find myself alone and upset. Yes, I have cried. Believe me, I've shed my fair share of tears, but as the saying goes: "No use in crying over spilled milk."

At this point, all I can do is regain my composure and keep on trucking with my life. I wish my best friend the best on his journey and many successes. I hope that one day we will reunite and share round of good times together. For now I must spend time on myself and search within myself to become a better person. I know, it all sounds cliche, but sometimes those damn cliches have it right. It won't be an easy task for myself. I struggle with it every day; my current mantra is 'one day at a time.'

And yes, I just put my heart on sleeve (or rather online). Sometimes its the only way we can wear our hearts.